“Online convenience, or how to avoid talking”

Online convenience, or how to avoid talking

Posted: 04 Sep 2010 07:07 PM PDT

Well. I just made restaurant reservations online. I thought it would be easier than doing it the other way, which involves first going online to find the phone number, and then actually talking to another person.

Everybody knows talking to another person is OK sometimes, when you're feeling chatty, but at other times feels like an enormous chore.

I can't be the only person to have caught myself thinking, "I don't want to talk to somebody; I just want to make dinner reservations."

If I were the only person, online dinner reservation networks wouldn't have been invented. But they were, because many people would rather find a reservation network and jump through an insane number of hoops just to avoid talking to a fellow human.

In case you think "an insane number of hoops" is so much hyperbole, let me assure you that if I were a circus lion, having to jump through this many hoops would be clear and simple animal cruelty.

First, of course, I was asked to enter the date and time of my dinner. That was perfectly reasonable, as was being asked to click on the number in my party.

Then it got complicated. Did I want to order fresh flowers that would be waiting at our table when we arrived? Did I want to have a limousine pick us up so that we would arrive in style? (I never go to places that require me to arrive in that much style, and in any case, on this particular evening I'd be coming from across the street. If the limousine paused while I climbed in the back and, walking hunched over so as not to hit my head on the limousine's ceiling, made my way to the opposite side door, I'd arrive at the restaurant in style without actually going anywhere.)

Next the reservations site asked about sending dinner invitations to the rest of my party. I have only to choose a theme, enter the date and time of the birthday party/romantic occasion/get-together, type in everybody's email addresses, come up with a clever, edgy message and indicate whether I want a copy of the invitation myself.

But I'm not done yet, because the site wants to know if I'd care to join its exciting rewards program and earn points whenever I dine at any of its kajillion restaurants.

At this point, I confess, I made the mistake of visiting one of the restaurant's websites. It was a place in New York called Good Restaurant, and who wouldn't want to take a quick peek?

The photo showed a nice place, with linens and everything, and diners' comments — yes, I read a few reviews — for the most part agreed that the restaurant's name was an understatement.

Good Restaurant is a 1,000-points-per-diner place, under this website's program, whereas the place at which I had just made reservations — or rather, the place at which I was in the process of making reservations — earns diners only 100 points.

Humph, I thought, and was glad I'd clicked "no" when asked if I wanted to sign up.

If I'd clicked "yes," I'd have been asked to enter my password and then enter it again, to "confirm" it.

If you ask me, typing something twice confirms only your ability to type, not your authenticity as that password holder.

And after that, no doubt, I'd have been on the receiving end of every special offer, every this-week-only and every member opportunity the reservation network could throw at me until I canceled my membership. Which is why I decided to save time and not sign up in the first place.

Besides, I had a list of Related Links to peruse. I could See Full Restaurant List, for example, meaning the list of all the places that signed up to be part of the points game. After that, I could see only the American restaurants, and then, if it wasn't bedtime yet, I could read every review ever posted about the restaurant I'd be going to in 24 hours.

I could look at a map. I could see written directions. I could print everything out, if I wanted to be old school. I could view the menu. I could call them up.

Except I don't want to call them up. Calling them up was what I'd wanted to avoid several hours ago, when I first began making these online reservations. Calling someone up takes time, and furthermore you have to talk to a person. Using an online reservation program is so much more convenient. Unless, of course, you're in a hurry.

Margo Bartlett is a ThisWeek staff writer. Email hear at mbartlett@thisweeknews.com

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